VAR BLAND DET MERST PERVERSA, GROTESKA OCH SKOJIGASTE JAG SETT! Fnittrade i en kvart efter vi kom ut från salongen. Sån fantastisk grupponani med cheesy lines, slapsticks och våldsamma explosioner! I do not do art, I blow shit up, som Bay säger. Fint att du inte hymlar med att du är helt SHAMELESS! Love you Bay /POK Bandhagen.

Snabbvisit hemma i Bandhagen. Ledig imorgon och det behövs. Har gått så fruktansvärt dåligt senaste veckan ni anar inte. Har varit tankspridd, närminnet är bortblåst och att tänka längre än näsan når har gått åt helvete. Vissa dagar ställer jag samma väckarklocka fem gånger för jag kunde inte minnas om jag ställde den nyss eller om jag bara tittade på den. Och tänk er då vara långfilmsskripta med den sortens moshuvud. Men ändring på det, och jag vet hur. Men det ska ni skita i.

Jag är SÅ JÄVULSKT peppad på Transformers 2 ikväll. Äntligen ska the Bay få blow some shit up!

portias:

kriselly:

Haha. Read till the end.

1. Ms. Gold Digger
+ Advantages
a. You have some one to manage your money.
b. She always looks good.
c. She makes your other niggas jealous.
d. She makes you look good.

- Disadvantages
a. When you get broke she’ll be gone and take what you have left.
b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support.
c. Once your nigga comes up she’ll be on his arm the next day.

2. Ms. Freak
+ Advantages
a. She knows all the right positions.
b. She’ll try everything more than once.
c. You’re never unsatisfied.
d. She’ll do all the things your girl won’t do.
e. She doesn’t mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.

- Disadvantages
a. Eventually, b/c she’s a female, she’ll end up catching feelings.
b. She starts to act like she’s your “main”.
c. She fucks wit ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling her that she’s a freak.
d. Eventually her shit gets old. And you need a replacement.

3. Ms. Independent
+ Advantages
a. You don’t have to worry about buying her anything. She got it.
b. She’s intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.
c. She’s great for (business) conversation.
d. She keeps it real and has goals.
e. She knows how to please a man.

- Disadvantages
a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own.
b. She will eventually say fuck you and get a dildo.
c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.

4. Ms. Dime
+ Advantages
a. She’s top of the line.
b. She stays looking like a fantasy.
c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.
d. She considers herself a “model”
e. Gets you on hard whenever you see her.
f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn’t care.

- Disadvantages
a. She’s superficial. She cares only about her looks.
b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.
c. She’s probably dumb as hell and if she’s not her personality is dry.
d. You have to constantly keep your game up b/c every nigga is gonna try to get her.

5. Ms. Tomboy
+ Advantages
a. She’s cool and laid back.
b. She’ll be willing to play rough with you.
c. Of course, she loves sports.
d. Her body is athletically divine.
e. She’s easy to talk to and fun to be around.
f. She’s a diamond in the rough.

- Disadvantages
a. She’ll remind you too much of your nigga.
b. She might not want to change her appearance.
c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.

6. Ms. Ghetto
+ Advantages
a. She’s not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.
b. She’s down for you. She’ll be there to bail you out of jail.
c. She’s always stays fresh.
d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.
e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.

- Disadvantages
a. She doesn’t know how to act in public.
b. Your mama can’t stand her.
c. You get into with her every other second.
d. She’s willing to fight another girl looking at you or her PERIOD.
e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.

7. Ms. Good Girl
+ Advantages
a. She’s always there for you.
b. She’s intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.
c. Your mother loves her.
d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.
e. You are her first everything.
f. She makes you feel like a man.

- Disadvantages
a. She’s an A or B situation either:
A. You’re not gonna get any until ya’ll are married or
B. She said she’s never done or she said she’s never tried it, she’s sitting there telling a muthafuckin’ lie.

8. Ms. Main
+ Advantages
a. She is the one you respect.
b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.
c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.
d. You’ve been with her forever.

- Disadvantages
a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.
b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass

9. Ms. Psycho
+ Advantages
a. She’s fun and spontaneous.
b. She’s down to earth.
c. She loves you unconditionally.
d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.
e. She makes you feel loved.

- Disadvantages
a. Don’t you break up with her. She will stalk your ass.
b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.
c. She can manipulate the hell out of you.
d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.
e. Fuckin’ with her can make your life a living hell.

10. Ms. “I-have-a-man”
+ Advantages
a. She may have a man but she’ll mess with you anyway.
b. She looks good.
c. You have an intense night of passion with her.

- Disadvantages
a. She’ll always come crying to you about the problems with her man.
b. She’ll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.
c. If you piss her off she’ll get her man to come beat your ass.
d. She’ll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.

11. Ms. Tease
+ Advantages
a. She’s tempting and a nice piece of eye candy.
b. She’s intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.
c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you.
d. Everything she does is just so sensual.
e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it.
f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.
g. Every nigga wants her b/c she’s so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.

- Disadvantages
a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.
b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.
c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)

12. Ms. Right
+ Advantages
a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dime. She is beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.
b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy.
c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother’s.
d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.
e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.
f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%.
g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.
h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you.
i. She’s always there for you no matter what, anytime any day any reason.
j. She’s not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight.
k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she’s your best friend.
l. You love being around her more than your boys.
m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.
n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST mind numbing and passionate love making fest ever.
o. She’s always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often put up with most of your shit. But she’s also intelligent enough to leave.
p. She’s nothing like any other girl you’ve met. She’s your woman.

- Disadvantage
a. You’ve probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go.

Igår var mördardagen Ellen, kom hem vid kvart i två på natta och har ledigt idag. Fast imorgon är det nio scener på schemat och jag har redan lite arbetsångest. Mest för att jag känner mig oförberedd, fast jag egentligen inte är det. Time well spent.

Har redan bestämt att så fort filmen är klar så sticker jag till Turin och vandrar Via Roma och Piazza Vittorio Veneto fram och tillbaka varje dag, i minst en vecka. Dricka kaffe, läsa en sliskig bok, lyssna på John Mayer och terrorisera italienare. Ah det vattnas redan i munnen av bara tanken på att få sitta på mammas och pappas balkong och stirra upp på Madonnastatyn och inte göra någonting. SNART SÅ! Fast först ska här göras långfilm.

Saknar alla vänner som jag aldrig har tid att träffa, och förlåt för att jag är så offline.

Jag har sedan länge funderat kring det här med att artister kommer hem till folk och håller privatkonserter. Måste inte det vara bland det mest obekväma, skitnödiga och jobbigaste man kan tänka sig? Alltså förstå om EMD skulle knacka på din dörr och erbjuda sig sjunga All For Love med en tradig gitarr och pojkaktig stämsång. Och där sitter du i din soffa, röd om kinderna men inte av uppskattning och kärlek, utan av förlamande pinsamhet, och önskar att de kunde hoppa över sista versen, sticket och refrängen. Det är ett av mina livs mål, att vinna en sån tävling i en kompis namn så någon riktigt jobbig artist kan komma hem till dom och bjuda på några sköna nummer. Så får dom sitta där och låtsas att de skickade in tusen tävlingsbidrag bara för att få vinna denna underbara stund med artisten. För vem skulle öppna dörren, se EMD stå där med rosor och vråla GRATTIS HÄR HAR DU OSS för att sedan barskt säga nej tack och stänga dörren? INGEN! Det är genialiskt! Jag har aldrig försökt på riktigt, men en dag skall det ske. En dag ska EMD, Måns Zelmerlöw eller Darin sitta hos en av mina kompisar och sjunga rakt in i deras ögon, och jag ska må så jävla gott.

Notera, inget av det jag precis skrivit skrevs för att jag i hemlighet vill att någon annan ska göra så mot mig.